Untangling Self-Worth from Financial Success
In the fast-paced world of entrepreneurship, it's easy to fall into the trap of equating our self-worth with our bank account balance or the external markers of success. As a mindset coach working with female entrepreneurs, I've seen firsthand how this mindset can impact not just business growth, but overall well-being and life satisfaction.
Who doesn’t relate to some extent to the emotional ups and downs connected with how well your business is doing financialy? A nagging voice that says something like "If I make 100k or 1M I’m on top of the world, and if I make half that, I’m a miserable old sock?"
How much one makes is a form of external validation, just like earning a promotion, or any other external sign of success that is predominant in our culture.
This is problematic on many fronts. So let's explore why this happens and how we can break free from this limiting belief.
The Allure of External Validation
Why do so many of us, especially in the entrepreneurial world, tie our sense of self to our financial success? Several factors contribute to this phenomenon:
Societal Conditioning: From a young age, we're often taught that success equals wealth and status. This message is particularly strong for entrepreneurs, who are expected to be high achievers.
Comparison Culture: In the age of social media, it's all too easy to compare our behind-the-scenes with others' highlight reels. This constant comparison can lead us to judge our worth based on how we stack up against others financially.
Childhood Experiences: Our family's attitudes towards money and success can deeply influence how we view ourselves in relation to these factors as adults.
The Entrepreneurial Mindset: The drive for growth and achievement that makes entrepreneurs successful can also lead to an unhealthy fixation on external metrics of success.
What Does Mainstream Success Look Like?
In Western culture, mainstream success often comes with a set of visible trappings. These external markers of achievement can include:
A high-paying job or a thriving business with impressive revenue
Luxury cars, like a Tesla or a high-end Mercedes
A large home in a prestigious neighborhood
Designer clothing and accessories
Frequent exotic vacations, documented on social media (super important part!)
A busy schedule, always being "on the go"
High-profile professional networks and connections
Regular appearances at exclusive events or galas
The latest tech gadgets and smart home devices
Children enrolled in elite schools or extracurricular activities
A polished, curated presence on social media platforms
Fitness achieved through expensive gym memberships or personal trainers
Dining at trendy, upscale restaurants
Professional accolades, awards, or media features
If you’re a coach, hitting 6, 7, 8 figures, or even, leading retreats in Costa Rica or Bali… seems to be the Holy Grail these days…
It's important to recognize that while these markers of success can be satisfying to achieve, they don't inherently equate to personal fulfillment or self-worth. True success is deeply personal and can look vastly different for each individual.
The Cost of Tying Self-Worth to External Success
While the desire for success can be motivating, basing our self-worth on external factors comes at a high cost:
Emotional Rollercoaster: When our self-esteem is tied to our business performance, we're vulnerable to extreme highs and lows based on financial fluctuations. (check the old sock analogy in the intro…)
Neglecting Other Areas of Life: Overemphasis on financial success can lead to an obsession for achieving it, and can lead to neglecting relationships, health, and personal growth.
Burnout and Mental Health Issues: The pressure to constantly achieve can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, and burnout.
Inability to Enjoy Success: Paradoxically, when “success” does come, we may struggle to enjoy it, always feeling we need to achieve more to be "worthy."
An Adult Development Perspective
From an adult development theory standpoint, tying self-worth to external success is characteristic of earlier developmental stages. In these stages, we often look outside ourselves for validation and have a more black-and-white view of success, or a single, “mainstream” version of what success looks like, as depicted above.
As we progress to more advanced stages of development, we begin to:
Develop a more nuanced understanding of success and failure
Derive satisfaction from internal growth rather than external achievements
View challenges as opportunities for learning rather than threats to our worth
Breaking the Link: Cultivating Internal Validation
So how do we begin to untangle our sense of self from our financial success? Here are some strategies:
Develop Internal Validation: Practice recognizing and celebrating your efforts, growth, and character strengths, regardless of outcomes.
Redefine Success: Expand your definition of success beyond financial metrics. Consider impact, personal growth, work-life balance, and fulfillment.
Cultivate a Growth Mindset: View challenges and setbacks as opportunities for learning and development rather than reflections of your worth.
Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a good friend facing difficulties.
Embrace Your Inner Parts: (This is probably one of my personal favorite strategies). Notice that part of you that ties your self-worth to your financial success, and acknowledge it. Understand that this part likely developed to protect you or motivate you in some way. With compassion, engage in a dialogue with this part, exploring its fears and needs, while gently introducing it to new perspectives on self-worth.
Strategies for Female Entrepreneurs
As female entrepreneurs, we face unique challenges. Here are some specific strategies to help:
Build a Supportive Community: Surround yourself with fellow entrepreneurs who understand your journey and can offer support and perspective.
Set Holistic Goals: Ensure your goals encompass all areas of life, not just business growth. This would include goals connected to your mind, body, spirit and emotions.
Regular Self-Reflection: Take time to check in with yourself about your values, motivations, and definition of success.
Seek Professional Support: Consider working with a mindset coach or therapist to help you navigate these complex issues!
Final words
You are not your bank account balance -I hope that is clear now :)
Your worth as a person is intrinsic and unchanging, regardless of your business's performance. By untangling your self-worth from external success, you open the door to greater resilience, satisfaction, and sustainable success in both your business and personal life.
As you embark on this journey of internal validation, be patient with yourself. Like any significant change, this shift in mindset takes time and practice. But the rewards – a more stable sense of self, greater resilience in the face of challenges, and a deeper, more authentic form of success – are well worth the effort!
See you soon,
Maria x